All, Life: Stories & Advice

Turning Self-Defeating Thoughts into Self-Empowering Ones

Dear Friend,

A big part of success comes from how good you can do what you do. I have a whole stack of copywriting and marketing books, videos, and audio files dedicated to helping me become the best copywriter and marketer I possibly can.

But just as important as your skill set is your mindset, and how you feel.

I have another stack of books dedicated to this subject: success.

Success is mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. It’s how you think and feel and breathe.

Without realizing it, when we’re filled with self-defeating thoughts and feelings, we block opportunities. We act in ways that attract people and situations who don’t resonate with success. We create more suffering in our lives.

That’s why today I want to help you overcome your self-defeating thoughts. Just about all of us have them.

So the question is… How do you deal with them?

So many self-help books talk about affirmations. In case you’re not familiar with that word, affirmations are when you tell yourself you already are what you want to be. The goal of them is to “re-program” your mind so you finally believe that you are powerful, confident, successful, and in turn, you become all of these characteristics.

But you know what? For the longest time they didn’t work for me one bit

And in fact, they don’t work for a lot of people I’ve spoken with. For some, they work miracles, but for a lot of us there’s just something missing from them…

That’s because a lot of these books are missing the most important step in giving yourself affirmations.

Now, obviously these books help a tremendous amount of people, including myself. So I’m not ragging on them. I’m just speaking for us individuals who want affirmations to work, but for some reason they simply don’t.

See, for years I would try affirmations, and they wouldn’t change the way I felt. I thought something was wrong with me, so I tried harder. And harder. And harder. I filled notebooks with statements like, “I am successful” and constantly walked around with similar thoughts in my head.

But still, no dice.

That is… Until finally I accidentally came across a way to make them work. Once I used this method I truly believed every affirmation I spoke out loud, or wrote down in my journal.

That important step is dealing with what you feel right now

If you feel really crummy, just like nothing is going right for you, or that you don’t deserve success, or any number of other self-defeating thoughts, there’s a good chance that saying affirmations to yourself will feel like trudging barefoot up Mt. Everest.

When you strongly feel negative thoughts and feelings, your whole body just resists affirmations.

So this is what I’ve found to work for me to clear away that resistance.

I call it the “Belief Reversal System”:

The first step is I let myself feel crummy.

I take out a pen and paper, or sit at my computer, and write about how I feel. I don’t do it poetically or anything, I just sit down and write:

“I feel worthless. I feel like a bad person. I feel like I don’t deserve success.”

I’ll do that for every feeling I have floating around inside of me.

What this does:

This gives your feelings the one thing they truly need: recognition and space. See, when you try to just force affirmations into your head, you’re pushing away these feelings you have, and they don’t like that.

They resist the affirmations, which is why they never work.

But if you recognize these feelings, and give yourself space to experience them, they go away. Or they go away enough so that you can take in some positive affirmations.

Then you start the affirmations

After you’ve dealt with your negative feelings, that’s when you take out your pen and write about yourself how you want to be. Or you say it out loud, or in your head – whatever way is right for you.

I like to keep it simple. I’ll write things like:

“Inspiring ideas constantly flow through me. Every day I have more and more ideas about how to dramatically grow my business, and I immediately put them to action. My relationships are full of love. I constantly laugh and enjoy life to the fullest”

I just write whatever feels good.

And you know what? So far a good number of them have come true.

Talk to you later,

David

p.s. If you have any questions about this, or advice about how you give yourself affirmations, leave them below in a comment.

You never know who else has the same question you have, or whose day could be completely turned around by your advice ;-)

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3 thoughts on “Turning Self-Defeating Thoughts into Self-Empowering Ones

  1. Robin says:

    Hey David,

    Great post! Sometimes positive self-affirmations help me a lot, but other times they really don’t. Maybe this is what’s been missing. I’ll try it out and get back to you. Thanks for an inspiring post!

    Question: what do you find is the most powerful way to do your affirmations?

    • David Tendrich says:

      Hey Robin,

      Thanks a lot… I’m really glad it helped you out.

      For me, writing has always been the most powerful way of doing my affirmations. But I know other people who like to sing them, or draw pictures, or talk out loud, or play music and think about them.

      Try out different things – whichever one makes you the happiest, go with it! There’s no “right” or “wrong” way – just whatever feels right in your gut.

      Let me know if you have any other questions ;)

      -David

  2. anita says:

    the room you make in your mind/heart for the affirmations is like a little light you can shed into a dark room… and slowly, it becomes your focus… and more and more of your attention is pulled towards the light…

    the exact affirmation you may have may not materialize or happen…but i’m sure the direction in which this affirmation pulled you was positive and better than where you started off…

    life isn’t always what we want it to be… but we can definitely make it better or worse… depending on our thoughts, actions, attitude…

    great write up. thanks!
    anita

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